


Closer Now

by RandomWritings23



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff with Angst, MTF character, Trans Character, hurt/comfort but the hurt is already over, she/her chihiro fujisaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 17:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomWritings23/pseuds/RandomWritings23
Summary: Makoto and Chihiro share a quiet night in after Chihiro goes through something triggering.
Relationships: Fujisaki Chihiro/Naegi Makoto
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Closer Now

**Author's Note:**

> HEAVY TWs for mentions of bullying and transphobia / healing from the trauma related to them. Please read with caution. This story was written by a trans girl and the issue is presented through a similar lens to my own experiences, and everyone’s experience with gender is unique, so hopefully I captured it in a respectful and truthful light. 
> 
> Fic inspired by a few naehiro headcanons/tweets by @chimeraboyz on twitter!
> 
> -
> 
> Happy birthday to Chihiro! Hopefully I can get this into a state I’m proud of by the 14th, because I’m gonna start writing this today, which is March 7th. If you’re reading this, hello from seven days ago!

Makoto Naegi was a very light sleeper. There were countless nights when this came back to bite him, too, considering that his girlfriend, Chihiro, usually came to bed late, and woke him up in the process. He never minded, of course, because it meant that every night, he got to cuddle up with the person he loved most, but it was still a fact of life - even a small shift in temperature or just having the covers pulled away from his side of the bed could wake Makoto up and leave him with a sleepless night. 

When Makoto woke up in the middle of the night, just hours after having lain down to sleep, he knew better than to question it. Shifting in the covers next to him was Chihiro, as he’d anticipated. He glanced over at the digital clock on his bedside table - 1:43 A.M., which meant that her having just come to bed was pretty likely.

As he slowly sat up, the haze in his sight dispersed, and a noise met his ears that made his heart leap into his throat. It was... the sound of someone sobbing. It wasn’t exactly hard to make Chihiro cry, he knew that - Makoto had done it time and time again by accident while trying to become closer to her, so he was very much aware of this sound by now. Makoto was never good with emotions, himself. He’d stumble through conversations clumsily and misspeak and say something that would accidentally offend whoever he was talking to. Luckily, he was forced to be around his classmates, which had improved his social skills substantially, whether he liked it or not. Their unmatched… individuality, for lack of a better term, made him a black belt in the martial art of conversation.

Touko had helped him find a way to organize his thoughts in a similar way to how she planned scenes for her stories. Keep track of goals, or what you’re trying to achieve or get across to the other person, and think of the easiest and quickest way to make your point known. So, in this case… that’d be to find out why Chihiro was crying, and then see if there’s anything he could do to help, even if it’s just being there to lend an ear. Man, he really owed it to them… Makoto wouldn’t be anywhere near the person he was if it weren’t for his friends. 

The thought that he might not be able to help frightened him greatly, but… better to try and fail than to never try at all, right? 

Makoto steeled himself and pushed down the growing fear that he might be doing the wrong thing by reaching out, shifting in bed to face the other direction. He got a faceful of Chihiro’s hair and had to wriggle his way closer to the edge of the bed. 

The sniffling sound that had been present since Makoto woke up slowly stopped, ceasing completely as Chihiro cleared her throat and turned to face him. Her eyes were red, face still wet with tears. 

“Oh, Makoto… I’m really sorry.” She looked as though she had far more to say, but she’d forced herself to stop talking. Her nails, worn and bitten down, were still dug into the sheets, her fingertips pale red. “I tried not to wake you up.” 

“I can always catch up on lost sleep some other time.” Makoto’s sleep-deprived voice was raspy, compared to his usual reserved, yet boisterous tone. “Did something happen? You know you can tell me anything.” He could only hope the look in his eyes was one of warmth and reassurance. He held gently onto the comforter resting over his lap. 

“I know, just…” Chihiro stopped for a moment, pursing her lips and going on a small “face journey,” as Kyouko called them. Essentially, it was when someone’s facial expressions show a few different, tense emotions within a short timespan, as she’d described it. “Do you have anything that’s… really hard to remember... or to think about, Makoto?” 

“Like… memories that… aren’t very good, right?” Makoto frowned. “...a few, but not… as many as most people, probably.”

“Well, I have kind of… a lot of them.” Chihiro stared down at the bed, having sat up in the same way as Makoto. “Some of them still hurt really, really bad, and… kind of... make me question stuff about myself that I thought I settled a long time ago.”

“Oh, Chi…” He sighs, a tiny ache pulling at his heart. “Do you want to talk about it? If not, that’s okay. I know it can be... uncomfortable.” 

“I think that I would like to.” She frowns, but there’s determination in her eyes. “I trust you, Makoto, so… I feel like it would be okay to tell you about it. If you want to listen, I mean…”

“I would be more than happy to.” Makoto offers a small smile, sidling closer, until their sides meet. “Take as long as you need, and you can always stop if it feels like too much, okay?”

“I think that… the hardest part would probably be deciding where to start. I mean, you already know firsthand that my sleep cycle is awful. I’m a mess... I mean, there are days I can hardly even push myself to get dressed in the morning! I can’t even come to bed at a normal time like everyone else, and it always messes up your sleep, too and just gets in the way…” Chihiro pauses to breathe, realizing how much just tumbled out of her mouth. “I know that’s not how you think of it, but I just can’t… think of it any other way. Even when you’re aware of it, depression can just take hold of the things you care about and twist them so much, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it at all. It hurts, Makoto. It hurts so much.” 

Makoto’s pangs of worry faded away into a constant dull ache. It hurts to hear the person he loves most feel so… overwhelmed? He thinks that’s the word for it. 

“And it feels stupid that I let what happened in the past define me so much. I already told you about how much I’d get picked on, but I don’t think I ever really… told you how bad it got.” She stared down at her hands. “It was so… cruel. Cruel and pointless, attacking the one they labelled as weak for no reason, just because they could. I wanted to be strong for so long, just to get them to stop, Makoto. I felt like I had to be, and if I didn’t fit into the mold they wanted me to, then it would keep getting worse.” 

After a short moment of silence, Makoto worked up the courage to ask a very important question. “I don’t know if I really want to know, but… what… did they do? Was it always the same people? Unless you’d rather not think about that part…”

It was at that point that Chihiro held gently onto the fabric at the bottom edge of his shirt, grimacing as though she saw the question coming. “It was always different people. I remember that much… word spread quickly around the popular students, so I basically became the whole school’s target. Except for some of the girls and the nicer boys, I suppose, but… that didn’t really offset any of what happened. It was always stupid, petty things, so I don’t really remember specifics outside of the specific words they used, and the effect that part had in particular.” 

“I see…” Makoto couldn’t help but feel a little angry at that. Sure, they were just stupid kids, but really? He’d have thought that students throwing slurs around left and right wouldn’t be tolerated, but apparently, that was giving most schools too much credit. “...You don’t need to repeat them. I feel like I can assume the gist of it from that alone.”

A small smile found it’s way onto Chihiro’s face. It didn’t meet her eyes - it was empty and fake, like a porcelain doll’s. “It’s kind of funny though, isn’t it? They bullied me and called me a girl for so long that I started believing I could actually be one! Isn’t that just… really hilarious?”

That sentiment - that very thought - sent Makoto into a ‘violently affirmative’ mode. It didn’t happen often, but when his friends needed it, he at least knew how to reinforce them the way that he’d guess they’d want him to. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to tell them what they need to hear, or what they already know, but need a little help with believing. At least - Makoto hoped so. He was walking a tightrope of sorts, here, with the end goal being happiness and contentment for the people he held dear.

“Maybe they bullied you back then because you weren’t some manly kid or whatever, but that shouldn’t make your decisions for you today, right…? I thought that this was what made you happy, right? Unless you’re thinking of detransitioning, which is okay, too, I just-”

“I’m not, I just…” Chihiro spoke up. This was something very important to her, and she didn’t want her intentions to be misconstrued. “I still kind of doubt myself sometimes, I guess? I know identifying as a girl is what makes me happiest, because nothing else I’ve tried feels right like this does, so… I’m gonna stay like this. It’s more like… I have to try to remember that this is my own decision, and not just… them bullying me into accepting some ‘role’ they carved out for me.” 

Makoto took Chihiro’s hand in his own. “I know it’s kind of cliche and doesn’t really add much, but… whatever makes you happiest is what makes me happiest. As long as you identify as a girl, then you’re a girl in my book, and if anyone tries to say something different, then they’re just… stupid.” 

Chihiro quietly buried her head into his chest. About a minute passed like that before Makoto felt something wet seeping into his shirt - tears. “D-Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry if I did, I didn’t mean to…!”

“No, not at all…” Chihiro’s muffled reply was quiet, barely audible over the cicada chirping coming from just outside. “More like… you’re the only one who’s ever… said anything like that to me before. Other than my mom and dad, I mean... And I trust you a lot, Makoto, so hearing something like that just… it makes me feel a lot at once.” 

“Oh…” Makoto wrapped his arms gently around Chihiro in a hug. “I’m sorry if it was overwhelming, I didn’t know it would be so… like that.” He smiled awkwardly. “Is this okay? Being so close together, I mean.” 

Chihiro nods, a small “mhm” sound coming from the back of her throat. For a moment, they just held each other close, the cicada’s song and occasional passing car being the only sounds to fill the air. A moment turned to two, to three, then to four… 

“Are you still awake?” Makoto whispers. He feels a nod against his chest. 

“Can I ask you one last question?” Chihiro looks up at him. Makoto says, “of course,” and she hesitates. 

Chihiro sighs. “Why do you love me, Makoto?”

Caught off guard, Makoto reels, just for a moment. “W-Well, there’s a lot of different reasons! I don’t know if this’ll really fit, but… For one thing, you’re incredibly smart, you’re kind to everyone who deserves it, and you’re working on setting good social boundaries and taking less of other people’s crap, which is always a good thing. Lots of the big things you worry about or apologize for are anxieties popping up and making things seem worse than they really are, I know that from personal experience with anxiety myself. Uh… let’s see, what else… Well, you’re incredibly fun to be around, and we share a lot of interests, which is always good, too. There’s a lot of reasons I love you, Chihiro. Oh! And, I’m very proud of you for reaching out when you felt like you couldn’t handle things alone, even if it was involuntary and accidental at first. Handling something like what you went through would be enough to make anyone question themself… so it’s really inspiring that you still became the person you wanted to be, and not who anyone else told you to be or tried to make you.” 

Chihiro (or rather, Chihiro’s mind) was trying to find ways to doubt his statements, or to try and prove them false, but… as he just kept going and going, it kind of became harder and harder not to find him cute. Even if she couldn’t understand why Makoto loved her, she certainly knew that she loved him, and if that was reciprocated, then it made her happy. She smiled - this time, not out of doubt or deceit, but legitimate happiness. 

Makoto felt a shot of warmth through his chest - relief at seeing that he’d seemingly done the right thing. Reaching out to people you can trust is an important part of recovery, and Makoto wouldn’t stand to see the people he cared for hurting when he knew there was something he could do to help. 

“I didn’t expect you to list so much. Or that I’d believe any of it, for that matter…” Chihiro went red in the cheeks, burying herself in Makoto’s shirt again.

“Of course I’d have a lot to list. You’re one of the most important people in my life. I wouldn’t be half the person I am today if not for you.” Makoto grinned, holding Chihiro close. 

The rest of the night passed quietly, the two slowly falling back into rest cuddled together after some more short conversation on lighter topics, like if they’d had any plans for the next few days, or what they’d been working on recently. Makoto felt this was a fitting resolution - a night that started and ended quietly was how most nights should be, after all. 

Trust is a very important thing to cherish. 

**Author's Note:**

> Note to self: do something for Chiaki next year to make up for this year. I love them both dearly, I promise lmao
> 
> It might not be very good, and it might be disorganized and messy, but hopefully you guys'll have enjoyed the fic anyway. Happy pi day.


End file.
